How To Drunk Text + The Perfect Hang-Over Breakfast
Words, Images & Recipe by Sam Hillman
There are people who carefully consider what they say before they say it; who allow a thought process to run its natural course before spitting it out into the world irrevocably. Then there are people like myself, who do the opposite. We are the talkers. The binge texters. The ranters. Unscripted and unfiltered. An openness I'd convinced myself was an adorable quirk instead of just an unfortunate disconnect between brain and thumb. My friend summed it up best, saying my texts are essentially "a live streaming of the fucking chaos" inside my head. Harsh but fair, Romy. Harsh but fair. Needless to say, alcohol exacerbates this process and as someone who, romantically, is drawn almost exclusively to the morally corrupt; these drunken exchanges go down with varying degrees of success (awfully, always.) Unlike its forbearer, drunk dialing; there is an unsettling permanency to written correspondence. There's evidence to greet you in the morning. A digital receipt of your innermost feelings. Proof. Documentation. A scrolling list of the things you wish you didn't say, to the people you wish you didn't say them to. Holidays are particularly tricky. While I'm pretty consistent at making catastrophic life choices throughout the year, I definitely peak across the December-January period. Rife with Christmas parties, charity soirees and obligatory family functions; it's a time where the company is dull and the booze abundant. I love an open bar as much as the next freeloader, though couple free flowing liquor with a seasonal resurge in rom-coms encouraging urgent declarations of love (COUGH, Love Actually) and what have we got? Inebriation. Emotion. Red flags. A high-risk zone for the binge texter in you. So if you'll also be spending Sunday__morning bunkered down in a pillow fort of shame, cringing through your latest personal failings and playing this fun little game called Reevaluate Your Whole Damn Life; dig into this breakfast. It's is the kind of carby-eggy-umami-packed goodness you'll need after heavy night of letting yourself down. Plus it's green, meaning one less thing to regret this weekend. While your bread is toasting or your eggs are poaching, peruse this; a handy guide to how I text whilst under the influence, and how you probably shouldn't.
- Eyes on The Prize
- More is More
- Emotion 4eva, logic never
- Disregard Boundaries
- No Means Yes
- Delete the evidence
1 cup of fresh or frozen peas, lightly boiled
1 cup of crumbled feta
1 ripe avocado
Juice and zest of half a lemon
Small handful of mint leaves, torn
2 slices of sourdough toast
sea salt and cracked pepper
2 eggs, poached or par-boiled, depending on your poaching skills (mine are parboiled.)
Smash peas into the crumbled feta.
Mash up your avocado with the lemon and lemon zest. Add in the feta-pea mix and the torn mint leaves, then smash together some more.
Season with sea salt and cracked pepper to taste
Top toast with peas and your parboiled (or poached) egg
Top with chilli flakes and more salt and pepper